Hunkering Up with Irma
There are many words in English that don’t really stand on their own. For example, the word: hunker. My old dictionary’s definition of hunker is “to settle down on one’s haunches; squat or crouch: often with down.”
Sorry, Webster’s “often” is a lie. Hunker is always with “down.” No one just hunkers without down. No one says, “Let’s hunker.” It seems you always have to add the word down to hunker, because though it’s clearly redundant, it sounds weird if you don’t.
Due to all the news coverage of Hurricane Irma, I can’t stop thinking about this oddity. I am constantly hearing about how people who were unable or chose not to evacuate, are all “hunkering down.” Isn’t this just the old-fashion way of saying, “shelter in place?”
That got me wondering how “hunker down” was once a new-fashion way of saying “stay home and hide.” Why do we need to come up with these new ways of saying something as straight forward and unambiguous as “stay home and hide?”
Why the need for new terms?
Maybe officials and media say, “hunker down” or “shelter in place” because people are so bored with something as prosaic as “stay home and hide,” that they refuse to follow common sense advice unless it’s embellished. These new terms seem to carry a lot more weight and urgency.
Then I wonder why no one says, “Hunker up!” It could be a cool, new way of saying, “Stand up straight.” Imagine a drill sergeant who really wants to get the attention of new recruits by bellowing, “Hunker up, maggots!” I think it would be very effective. (You’re welcome U.S. Marines. This one is a freebie, the next one will require some form of compensation.)
Another problem with constant hurricane coverage
I have to confess to another issue I’m having with the constant news coverage about Hurricane Irma. It is repeatedly hearing the name Irma.
You see I knew someone named Irma once…It was back many decades ago, when I was a community college student. Irma was a community college student too. Irma was a stalker.
Irma stalked me before stalking was a thing. Thank God, she wasn’t a crazy person. Actually, she was a sweet person who apparently was crazy in love with me.
Irma stalking me around campus was flattering but disconcerting. (I can’t imagine how awful it must be for women who are stalked by sickos and jerks.) God knows I was no God’s-gift-to-women, so it confused me to be the subject of her adoration. Unfortunately, Irma was no God’s-gift-to-men. She wasn’t unattractive and at times I could see how some guys would think she was quite cute. I wasn’t one of those guys or there might have been a possible future for Irma and me.
What was strange is that I didn’t know where Irma came from. I think we had a class together. I don’t think we sat next to each other or had any contact whatsoever, until we started bumping into each other around campus. She awkwardly introduced herself on one of these occasions. I introduced myself too. She smiled sheepishly and I smiled back and moved on.
“Chance” encounters
As the weeks went by, we had more “chance” encounters. There would be awkward hellos and long pauses where I think Irma was waiting for me to say something or ask her something. I was kind enough to NOT ask the most salient question, “Who the HELL are you?!”
Finally, one day, Irma took the bull by the horns and during the next crossing of our paths, she asked me, “Do you want to eat lunch together?” I looked into her pleading eyes and as much as I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, I didn’t think encouraging her in any way was a nice thing to do. So I said something like, “Sorry, I can’t.” She was crushed. I felt like a jerk.
I never saw her again.
So today as Americans are bemoaning the destruction caused by Hurricane Irma, I am still a tad sad that I caused a nice girl, who shares a name with the worst hurricane ever, some pain decades ago. I hope she found a stand-up guy to hunker down with.
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