Baby Toupees — A Commercial Parody

MOTHER , FATHER, and a bald baby are at home sitting on a couch. They are a blissfully happy little family, until…

VOICE OVER (Male): You’re proud, loving parents of a newborn baby and as your infant grows, your adoration and pride will continue to grow. But what happens if the little one is follically-challenged and their hair doesn’t grow?

MOTHER, FATHER, and a baby are in a playroom with a group of other parents with other newborns and toddlers. All the other young ones have hair. MOTHER and FATHER catch sight of other parents whispering and chuckling about the bald baby.

VOICE OVER: Sure, you can use the age-old strategy of employing knits caps or baby bonnets on your hairless wonder, but at some point those headcovers will have to come off AND then family and friends will know the truth: you’ve got a bald brat, a petite cueball, a mini-Kojack, a Sinead O’No!, a Yul Be-Sorry, a Bruce Will-not-be-cool, a —

FATHER (into the camera): Okay, we get it! We got a little chap with a chrome-dome. A little Patrick Stewy. A Mahatma Gag-me. A — -

MOTHER (pushing the Father): Okay, they get it!

VOICE OVER: Sadly, our research shows that persistent-infant-baldness leads to a life of crime and degradation.